Skip to content
Okay, so maybe it’s not the new cool. Perhaps I’m just late to the game. Either way, I’m happy I showed up because I’m feeling pretty fly for the first time in my life. Last month, I reached out to a friend of mine, Selina Vanover, a personal stylist, to help me curate a style that would have me go from drab to fab. Give me colorful vegetables, and I’ll curate a dish exploding with personality in its composition and design. But if you ask me to create a personal style for myself, I crawl into the fetal position, all but crippled with uncertainty. Never before have I paid so much attention to my image, nor have I ever dropped the bones I did on quality pieces for my wardrobe. And I didn’t carry the usual self-imposed “mom guilt” about spending money on myself. The experience was terrific. My confidence has grown, and I wake up excited to put myself together every morning. But first, I have to tell you where I was getting stuck.
Ruthie? Ruthie Who?
As I built my brand for Black Fig Food, I knew I wanted to pay attention to detail regarding my beliefs, values, purpose, and mission. I wanted my brand to be fun, bold, punk rock, witty, slightly vulgar, loving, and cool. That part was easy!
[Cue the lights, enter stage right.]
MY BELIEFS:
I stand for equality, diversity, inclusivity, kindness, and love . . . especially self-love. We have this one chance in life to be the most passionate, creative, and purposeful human beings we can be. Our physical and mental health, self-confidence, and love for our planet and one another are what it’s all about.
MY VALUES:
Family, connection, creativity, humanity, respect, diversity, generosity, love, respect, joy, change, strength, honesty, courage, kindness, passion, clarity, awareness, peace, and gratitude make up my core values.
MY PURPOSE:
My purpose is to get people to fall in love with cooking, whether “again” or for the first time. Food is the universal language that we all speak, and it’s what connects us globally. Cooking is a beautiful vehicle for meditation, healing trauma, growing in our creativity, and bringing the ones we love to the table.
MY MISSION:
My mission is to be the voice for an effective inner change within each client. That change doesn’t have to be physical but a mental shift (mindset) to point them in the direction of creativity, self-confidence, and gathering with those they love for a beautiful meal.
BUT MY PERSONAL STYLE?
[Cue the damn cricket noises.]
I had no idea how to feel like “Ruthie” amidst all of this, even with my grandmaster plan. I had my entire business brand in check only to see myself in the mirror reflecting none of what I was trying to sell. How could I speak of confidence, boldness, and creativity when I wasn’t feeling it? Hell, I’ve struggled with my personal image all my life! Although, as an adult, I’ve never been one to follow trends or care about what others thought about what I wore, I have never felt comfortable in my clothes, let alone my body.
THE DEATH OF SELF-CONFIDENCE
In grade school, I was always the last to get the hottest trends. So having a new pair of Jordache jeans two years behind the trend didn’t bother me much. As an empath, I just wanted people to like me, and I thought that if I wore what they wore, I’d be “in.” It didn’t matter if my clothes fit right or if I liked them; I just wanted to be accepted. Years later, I realized I was robbing myself of my true identity by trying to please others. And I’m sure that my mimetic desires caused my mom to feel inadequate because we couldn’t afford the things I wanted.
On top of that, would you believe I had body dysmorphia before I even knew what that meant? My nickname at home was “Flaca,” which means skinny in Spanish. Somehow, it translated in my head that I was weak. So to create a facade of strength, I’d wear two pairs of waffled thermal leggings underneath my jeans so that my legs looked thicker. Never mind the fact that I was overheating underneath all of that clothing; I wasn’t going to be “Flaca” at school even if it killed me. Fast-forward to today . . .
THE BIRTH OF PERSONAL STYLE
We all have that one thing we don’t particularly like about our bodies. Whether we think our legs are too skinny or thick, our arms are too flabby, or our tummies are too big. Why is learning to love ourselves just as we are such a difficult task? I know, I know. That’s a loaded question. So, let’s begin with mindset.
We will always see ourselves differently than others see us. I’m still learning to love the skin I am in. Showers in the dark are still a thing, but I’ve recently decided to get excited about expressing my personality through the clothes I wear. My lightbulb moment was when I realized that the way I dress could affect my attitude or mood for the day. However, I still needed help with where to begin.
[Cue the stadium lights, Selina sashays in from stage right with a flourish]
CURATED QUALITY FOR YOUR PERSONAL STYLE
I had so many ideas on what I thought I might like. But my grand ideas have led me astray before, so I made sure never to marry them. A few years ago, I found an inspirational photo of a woman standing outside of CBGB’s in Manhattan circa 1979. She wore a fluffy faux cheetah print coat with combat boots and sported platinum blonde hair along with last night’s makeup smeared across her eyes. I thought that was just badass, and I’d look like the most marvelous chick ever until I tried on the look. I quickly put that notion to rest and disrobed once I realized I looked like a spinster on her way to the bingo parlor on a Thursday night with troll dolls in tow. Nice try, Ruthie.
Before we set out to paint the town red, Selina came by for an exploratory venture into my closet. We combed over each piece of clothing and accessory. This step was crucial for her to both learn what I liked and devise a shopping action plan. She also encouraged me to create a style board on Pinterest for outfit inspiration. I was one step ahead of her. My style board has grown over the last few years, and it was time to revisit what I thought was my style.
GO-TIME
The day came for our shopping excursion. I met her at a local department store on a weeknight after dinner. What an excellent idea to go shopping on a full stomach, by the way.
As I approached the women’s department, I found Selina, a department store employee, and a clothing rack bursting with colorful options. A warm sensation came over me at the thought of being Julia Roberts from Pretty Woman for the next two hours. I fantasized about seeing an attendant in the dressing room holding a tray of nachos and a flute of champagne —no such luck. “Surely, all of the clothes would be wrong for me, “ I thought. My journey to the dressing room was rife with pessimism. I felt like I was walking the green mile. And if all of the items fit me beautifully, I’d surely die from sticker shock anyway.
MY PERSONAL STYLE IS GETTING HOT IN HERE
I’m just going to cut to the chase. Not all of the items suited my style or fit me perfectly. However, what they found for me were pieces I would’ve never given a second glance. And I loved them all. After my shopping experience with Selina, I could clearly see all the reasons to hire a personal stylist.
#1: They have the eye to find styles and colors you might not otherwise consider that look dazzling on you.
#2: They have connections and relationships with stores and know how to find what works with your body type.
#3: They know how to find great deals and align what you’re looking for with your budget.
#4: They can effortlessly incorporate new items with treasured pieces already owned. I was thoroughly impressed with how easily Selina integrated my mother’s vintage brooches and purses with the new items for fresh looks.
THE MYTH WE ARE ALL THINKING
Hiring a personal stylist is too expensive.
Actually, it’s more affordable in the long run! You don’t have to be hella-rich to afford one. Some offer an hourly rate, while others offer packages that range from a few hours to daily rates. Believe me when I say you’ll want to check out those day rates. Selina came over the following week to create outfits with my new purchases and existing wardrobe. BEST INVESTMENT EVER. And her service certainly didn’t stop there. She continuously sends me info on sales going on locally and inspirational outfit photos she thinks I might like.
Now that I have a new direction to take with my personal style, I feel like I’m on top of the world. For once, I’m confident about how I look. I am no longer discouraged and bummed when I catch my reflection in passing. I high-five that queen!
What are you waiting for? Reach out to my girl, Selina, with a DM @dimhazy on Instagram and book a discovery call with her. You will not be disappointed!
Looking for fun ways to curate the dishes you create in the kitchen? Check out Winter Vegetables In Vogue.
