College Bound Creep

Why is change so hard for us to accept?  Why is it so difficult for us to feel?  I am pretty sure change is in cahoots with fear.  Because right now, it’s got me by the balls.

I think, for the first time in my adult life, this summer has been the shortest one ever.  With winter being my favorite season, summer usually creeps slowly along like a serial killer driving by my house in a beat up van…completely not enjoyable nor welcome.  I honestly haven’t paid much attention to that uncomfortable accumulation of boob and butt crack sweat just from walking to my car or my excitement of finally seeing peaches in the produce section at the grocery store.  Yes, I put food and my butt in the same sentence.  Sue me.  Truth is, I have been pretty damn busy.  With two teenagers and their first world problems and another preparing to leave for her first year in college, yeah…I have had NO time to bitch about summer and this heat. I think I would much rather bitch about the fact that time is going by way too fast for this woman.  It’s a constant struggle keeping schedules, the household in order, and the kids locked in with their responsibilities when I travel so much.  Having them laugh at me while I yell at them via Facetime is REALLY getting old.

The older I become, the older my kids become…which means more work for me at being a mom.  How dare they grow up!  Brandon and I call the kids “creeps” out of love for them.  They understand it’s a playful way of saying, “I love the crap out of you.”

In a few weeks, I will be driving my daughter to UNT to get her moved into the dorm hall that will be her new world for the next chapter in her life.  It hasn’t hit me quite yet but, I feel it brewing.  She has literally grown up overnight!  Knowing she is leaving to start her adult life and may not ever come back home but maybe twice a year just makes me want to “ugly” cry.  This feeling of letting one of my spawn go is the WEIRDEST feeling in the world!  It’s utterly indescribable.  Dare I say, I miss those mornings of cleaning soft scrambled eggs off of high chairs and walls, those afternoons of crafts and sandwiches with the crusts cut off, and scooping out turds from the water during evening sibling bath time!?  One of those creeps is leaving me!  And, because I have had her help all this time with little brother and sister, seeing her leave just makes me scared as shit of the other two kids! Like, what do I do with THEM?!?!?!  I’m certain I will bounce right back into mommy mode like a champ….soon, I hope.  The one thing helping me keep it together is knowing she is not afraid to go.  That tells me I did my job as a parent to get her excited to take off and start living her life.  One down, two more to go.  I GOT THIS!!!

“There is no such thing as spare time.  There is no such thing as free time.  There is no such thing as down time.  All you got is Life time.  Go. ” – Henry Rollins