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I remember the day my parents bought their first shiny new microwave. Of course, it was a few years after everyone else had purchased their own. We were always behind the times; with our fashion, gadgets, and home appliances. Getting that microwave was a symbol of being one step closer to the Jones’. Looking majestic as fuck, it was placed on our kitchen bar counter that served as a pass-through into our dining room and I was just tall enough to reach its door handle. The “Beast”, as I called it, rested inches underneath the wall of shame which adorned my shitty report cards. The good ones never made it on the wall for two reasons: 1) there were none and 2) putting my smarts, or lack thereof, on public blast was meant to motivate me to do better next time. Whatever…
This huge chunk of metal could do so many things with our food yet, we never utilized it in all of the ways it was meant to be used. My mom never cooked a twenty two pound turkey as its side sticker “chart of cooking times” suggested. It was only used to reheat my parents’ coffee and zap “macaroni-n-cheese in a cup” every day after school. Then, why in the hell was there always a colony of mystery food splashes stuck to the sides and top of the inside? It was and, to this day, IS never fun cleaning a microwave.
FAST-FORWARDING TO TODAY: After starting my kitchen face-lift project, I began to covet the space where our microwave sat. I thought, “How lovely would a coffee and tea bar look right there…” I immediately googled ways on how to live without a microwave and came across 10 Reasons To Get Rid Of Your Microwave. I freaked. I thought to myself, “If it’s on the internet, it must be true, right? How will we enjoy our Orville Redenbacher’s Simply Salted popcorn? How will I reheat my coffee when it gets cold in my mug? How will the kids warm up leftover pizza?” These were all legitimate questions that needed answering! I mentioned getting rid of it to my oldest daughter, Bennie, and she lost her shit…just like she did when I began buying, what she called, “mom bread”.
MOM BREAD /mom bred/
noun
the healthy whole wheat or multi-grain bread parents switch to when they are going through a “let’s feed our family healthier and organic food” phase.
Was I being unreasonable to take away something we all thought we could not live without? After opening it’s door this morning and getting hit in the schnoz by a smell combination of popcorn, spaghetti sauce, and glazed doughnuts….I decided it was time to break up with my microwave. We don’t even BUY GLAZED DOUGHNUTS! As for solutions to adapting without it? Here they are…..
Warming Our Coffee
I am crushing on this stove top Turkish Coffee Pot simply because it will solve my cold coffee problem! Copper just so happens to also be an accent color for my kitchen. GO ME!
Making Popcorn
I am going back to that ol’ school way of making popcorn on the stove! It will teach us all about patience and give us endless possibilities of flavor combinations.
Like…we should all know how to do this safely…mmmmmmkay?
Steaming Vegetables
Snatch up a veggie steamer basket! You can set your vegetable on the steamer and then place it inside a large pot or Dutch oven with about a 1/2 inch of water and bring to a simmer. Easy, done, and time to Bro-Fist-Bump someone!
LASTLY, REHEATING LEFTOVERS: Remember what I said about patience? It’s a beautiful thing, I hear. I HAVE to learn about patience because hello…laundry! I can slow down and enjoy the actual process, or ritual if you will, of reheating leftovers. You will enjoy your food that much more because the taste and nutrients will still be present. ANNNNND, I get to use my mom’s vintage bakeware on the reg!
So, when it is time to break up with someone…ahem…I mean, something, brainstorm ways you can live without it! I promise, it won’t be the end of the world.
