Skip to content
Imagine yourself dying with your loved ones surrounding you, holding your hand, admiring every wrinkle time has etched into your face. The smell of sterility and hospital bandages mimicking the scent of jasmine tea, something you never truly enjoyed for that very reason. The aroma of pozole on the stove mingles with the tang of the “band-aid tea,” waiting to be enjoyed by your children and their children as they take turns watching over you around the clock. There’s a hidden celebration and an enormous sense of wealth present: a family firm in its roots, thick as thieves, probably the greatest accomplishment of your life, sharing endless stories about you, receiving the gift of getting to say goodbye. But are they telling tales of a life fully lived? Can you say that you elevated your year, year after year?
IMAGINE THIS
To be on your deathbed, working backward with your thoughts, memories, and accomplishments, seems like a new way of looking at how you want the rest of your life to play out. It’s pretty fucking transformational. If I’m lucky enough to experience the end of my life peacefully with family around, I want to have no regrets. No shoulda coulda wouldas, and no “I wish I had…”
As I age, I think more and more about mortality and my own inevitable death. I find myself constantly measuring the amount of sadness and trauma I’ve endured over the last fifty-three years. I cannot fathom moving forward through my remaining years adding to that tally. But whether more sorrow is added or not, I can control only so much. So what do you suppose I think about when pondering the future? You got it . . . What next-level shit will be thrown at my face?
Anticipation paired with anxiety can be crippling, especially for me. Let me explain.
I experienced trauma with a capital T at an early age, too young to understand the fight or flight responses when someone caused me harm. I could only detach my mind from my body as a way to protect myself from what was happening. And because of that, I find it incredibly difficult to think for myself. I often set myself aside, ignoring my feelings, waiting for someone else to tell me what to do next. And I take it. Because that is what I’m for. I am not for me. I am for everyone else. Always waiting, always anticipating.
Or so I thought . . . for my entire life, until now.
LOOKING AHEAD…I MEAN, BACKWARD
As I think about my life from my deathbed, I’ll have written a book (maybe two), experienced the three loves one finds in life, witnessed the growth and happiness of my children, grown a successful catering business, created many works of art – whether they be on canvas or a plate, and seen so many beautiful places around the world. This all sounds lovely, but I don’t want to think about death anymore, especially when I’m much closer to it than I am to my birth. I’d rather think about how I’m going to spend the rest of my life.
Every December, I assign myself a power word for the new year. Last year’s word was ”becoming.” I contemplated using this word again because, boy, did I become after tolerating so much pain and loss! I discovered a therapist who aligned with me, found my voice, and spoke up about my worth and all of the things I would have no more of. Did it inadvertently change the trajectory of the future I thought I wanted? Absolutely. I lost my second love, but on the other side of it, I was granted everything. Carrying the word “becoming” into 2024 would’ve felt tainted.
If I’m going to write a book, find my next love (which very well may be myself), have a body of work that is a source of pride, and travel to my heart’s content, I need to be a BADASS. That is my word for 2024. I shall bring myself forward from where I pushed myself aside, turn on the burner to the highest setting, and boil over with my passions. They’ve been simmering just underneath, waiting to boil, break the surface, and escape into the ether. It’s high time for you to do the same, m’dear. Now, let’s get to choosing your word for 2024.
CHOOSE YOUR POWER WORD FOR THE YEAR
Choosing a word for the year can be a powerful and intentional way to set the tone for your personal growth and mindset. I do it annually.
Grab a snack, your journal, a cup of hot Earl Grey or coffee, and slide into your pj’s. Find a comfortable spot in your home and begin. Start by envisioning yourself on your deathbed. Ask yourself these questions.
- What sort of things will you want to reminisce about that’ll put a smile on your face? What did you accomplish in life that made you slay so hard?
- If you are lucid, what can you share with your loved ones that’ll make them want to live the life you lived?
- Now, think further back on how you made it all happen.
- If you could choose your power word for 2024, what would it be?
REFLECT AND IDENTIFY GROWTH
Take some time to reflect on your core values and long-term goals. What aspects of your life do you want to focus on in the coming year? Consider areas like personal development, relationships, career, health, and your overall well-being.
Think about the areas where you’d like to see growth and improvement. This could include overcoming challenges, developing new skills, or enhancing certain aspects of your life. Your chosen word should align with the growth you seek. Boost, amplify, and elevate yourself.
My focus will be on self-love. I’m learning how to embrace five-year-old Ruthie by letting her know I’m here for her. I’ve asked her to stand behind me from this point forward. I’ve got her.
I TIE THEMES WITH EMOTIONS
Explore personal development themes that resonate. Look into concepts like resilience, mindfulness, authenticity, strength, courage, or balance. These themes can serve as a foundation for your word.
Consider the emotions you want to cultivate in the coming year. Do you want to feel more joy, gratitude, or peace? Choose a word that encapsulates the emotional state you aspire to embody.
EXPLORE AND EVALUATE
Look for positive affirmations or quotes that inspire and ring true with you. Extract keywords from these affirmations that capture what you want to hone in on for the upcoming year.
Reflect on the challenges or obstacles you anticipate facing. Your chosen word can act as a source of motivation and empowerment to overcome these. Yassssss, Queen!
NARROW DOWN AND CHOOSE YOUR POWER WORD
Factor in self-love and indulgence in your word choice. How can you incorporate self-care and self-compassion into your daily life? We’re looking for a healthy balance between the two.
What is the difference, you ask? Self-love is cultivated by learning and understanding yourself. This is the part where you must find yourself worthy. Self-compassion is the next step, where you learn to forgive and be gentle with yourself after you’ve gotten a firm grasp on the former.
So, begin by making a list of potential words based on your reflections and considerations. Narrow down your options by evaluating which word resonates with you deeply and emotionally.
Close your eyes and visualize how your chosen word will impact various aspects of your life. Envision the positive changes it can bring to your mindset, relationships, and overall well-being.
I know what you’re thinking. “Dammit, Ruthie! This is too much work!” Hush and just trust me. You deserve it, okay?
Your chosen word will encapsulate your aspirations, values, and goals for the year ahead. Once you get that pen moving on paper with these steps, it’ll come to you just like it did for me. I promise!
YOU’VE CHOSEN YOUR POWER WORD. NOW WHAT?
Once you’ve chosen your word, bedazzle it with glitter or metallic markers! I don’t give a damn how you embellish it, just give it some flair. With your word in mind, write down three “being” goals and three “doing” goals for 2024. I highly recommend Monk Manual’s Life Atlas if you’d like to dive deeper into charting your yearly goals. It encompasses the being and the doing. It’s the best purchase I’ve made for myself as of late. If you’d like to read more about being more intentional in the new year, please check out this blog post. It might help you choose your power word for 2024.
My “being” goals are to be a woman at peace, the best mom I can be, and the best caretaker to my inner child.
My “doing” goals are to get started on that book, travel more, and become debt-free. I added two more to that list, but those are for my eyes only . . . hee hee.
Now, what will your narrative be on your deathbed? Does it evoke a sense of fulfillment, accomplishment, and profound satisfaction of a life well-lived? I see you, my friend. You’re going to experience growth and indulgence this coming year. I can smell it over the band-aid tea and pozole. If I can do this after a shit year, so can you. What else do we have to lose? Not a damn thing. Now, go choose your power word.
